“The more you get rejected - the better you can become!”

So you have been turned down for that new job for which you really feel uniquely qualified! Or, that just-come, so-and-so, brown-nosing a—kisser got the promotion that you deserve for your years of hard work! Or, the love of your life left you for… (well… let’s not go there…).

You’ve been rejected! And it feels terrible! Sometimes its as if the world has ended… (some people go to the extreme and really end it…)!

So, rejection is a serious thing…

Rejection is something that everyone has to deal with. Not getting the job, being rebuffed in a relationship, or even just being turned down for a dance at a party can really hurt your self-esteem. Your pride is hurt. Your sense of self and who you think and believe that you are… has been wounded.

My message to you is that you can get through these times without having them make you feel less valuable, less confident… and less of who you really are.

Here are some ways to handle failure nicely and keep your confidence.

Rejection is universal

First, understand that everyone has felt rejected at some point. It’s something everyone deals with at many points in our lives, and it doesn’t say anything about your worth as a person. Realizing that rejection is a normal part of life can help you separate it from your sense of self-worth. A “no” is not a sign of failure; it’s just a step on the path of life. Each “no” can bring you closer to a “yes” that counts.

As a matter of fact, expert sales professionals absolutely love when some customers say “no”! Why? Because that “no” gets them closer to their big “yes”! Their response to a “no” is… “next”!  Sales professionals have done the analysis. For example, a real estate agent may know that for every 20 people who look at a property, only one person will buy. Those are 19 “no’s” before they get to a “yes”! The quicker they get the “no’s” out of the way… the quicker they get to that $million sale!

So… the world’s top salespeople love when you tell them “no”!

Be clear about the facts versus your feelings

It’s easy to get caught up in a hurricane of negative self-talk after being turned down. You might start to think you’re not good enough or that you’ll never turn things around. But it’s important to keep your thoughts and your feelings separate from the facts. Thoughts or feelings of low self-worth don’t mean your worth is low. One strategy to conquer those negative thoughts and feelings is to write down your successes, strengths, and qualities. For example, do you remember times when you achieved that big goal…  or when you sold that huge property, or when you did something so well that everyone gave you kudos? Triggering these past successes helps you remember how valuable you are, how effective you have been, your level of competencies and will keep any rejection in perspective.

Use the rejection as a lesson from which you will grow

There is an opportunity to grow from every rejection. Look at what happened and try to figure out what you can learn from it. You might be able to get better at certain things, learn more about the kind of relationships you like, or change the way you connect with other people. Rejection is a way to get better and grow both your knowledge and skills whether it’s at work or in your personal life.

Build a support system

Spend time with people who will help you, care about you, and give you positive feedback and support. Friends, family, a coach, or a counselor can help you see things in a way that makes you feel good about yourself and can help you deal with rejection in a healthy manner. These individuals can keep you grounded so that you don’t forget how good you really are! Also, they can help you laugh off the pain and remind you to see the many sides of life.

Self-compassion is important

Be your own best friend and take care of yourself. It’s easy to be hard on yourself after being rejected, but it’s important to be kind to yourself like you would a friend in the same position. Being kind to yourself means recognizing how you feel and telling yourself it’s okay to be upset. Let yourself feel sad or angry for a while, but don't stay there for too long.

It’s great to have friends, family and other people in your support system to keep you grounded. But, the most important person in your support system is YOU! So be a friend to yourself! Be a self-coach! And, definitely, ensure that you mentor yourself.

Yep… give yourself a break!

Change your focus

Focus on what you still have and what you can do instead of dwelling on what you consider, rightly or wrongly, to be a loss. Do things and take part in activities that you like and are good at. These could be hobbies, exercising, or working on a project that makes you feel good. Doing things that are important to you boosts how you feel about yourself and makes you more confident in your skills.

Finally, use the energy you gained from the experience of being rejected to set new goals that you can reach. These could be things that help you grow as a person, discover new opportunities, or just do things that make you happier and more satisfied with your life. Setting goals gives you a sense of direction and purpose, both of which are important for keeping your self-esteem high.

In addition, use the lessons learned from this rejection to prepare you for the next one! (It’s coming…)

Dealing with failure without letting your self-esteem drop is important for maintaining good mental and emotional wellness. You can protect your self-esteem and come out of this experience stronger and more determined if you treat yourself with kindness, use your support network, and keep learning and growing.

Remember that every “no” is not an indication of how valuable you are, but rather a way to get you the “yes” that you want.

Your posture after reading this article could be… “Please reject me!” (Why? Because it will make YOU better, stronger, and more prepared… It will move YOU towards winning and achieving YOUR goals...)

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